You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
