no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
