My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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