did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
