My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
