He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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