I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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