I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
