I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
