he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
do nipples grow back?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
