We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
