the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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