Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
