today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
