I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
