He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
