i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
