Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
