So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
