So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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