the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
