literally had 100 drinks last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
