I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
