i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
