While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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