Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
