i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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