If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
