I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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