so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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