help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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