Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
