ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
