I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
