Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
