note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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