She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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