I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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