i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
