hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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