it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
