when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
