I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
