So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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