There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
