spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
