It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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