I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
