Your face is a jimmy john
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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