She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
