it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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